detach myself emotionally from school.

epiphany

if your life revolved around your work, you would feel lost if you lost your job. similarly,my life cannot revolve solely around school...my school life sucks. friends n academic wise. so, im trying to get a life outside sch.I'm trying to make a valid, salient point here.

this is pointless

this is just plain pointless. a few years back, i would have been on the main track, actually liking what i do.....i liked literature, geog, etc. in sec 1, and i felt i was confident enough to do well and go to a jc, and subsequently, do well in a jc. cause' i was that kind of person, and i just wanted to advance from sec 1 to 2, then triple science. i liked having a cca, and things were good.
slowly, things started feeling pointless for me. i just felt.....like shit.
i wondered about what was i going to do after the o levels....
and i feel that jc wasn't right for me, and what am i doing in a poly?
ii don't like 9-5 jobs......and i have deviated from the norm, in terms of ambitions.......
and i feel, even if i get into a uni from poly, so what?
even if its my fave course, from digipen?
even if its my fave course from sim?
i feel like i'm dying to go overseas.
dying to seek attention.
fame crazy.

stupid modelling and stupid jerks.

having to ask questions and plead my case.

people pitting themselves against me all the time, not that i think i was unlucky in life....led me to think that they were pitting themselves against me, even when they weren't.

vanquish those voices.....

and clear my karmic debt.

and show em' bastards that i will succeed in a different field.

bullying, thoughts, arguing
arguing is a part of me.....i think i have to train myself...so that i can argue in a logical way....
thoughts-embarassed abt my thoughts,  but need to keep track of them.
bullying-staircase.
1. thought school was a safe haven
2. was told not to play on stairs.

2 cents

unless i becme famous, my words simply carry no weight.
i live by a few rules:
1. be honest when you need to be honest, but there are times when you need to tell white lies as well.
ie. when it comes to working life, i guess you have to be honest. sometimes, when you deal with people, you have to sugarcoat your words, or else you will not be well-liked by people. and there is no point lowering people's self-esteem.
if it cannot be changed, and it does not affect you, don't tell the person the truth.
if it can be changed and it affects you, tell the person the truth.
2. undermining people's problems....is bad.
seriously, i think these kinds of people will want to make you want to throw your prescription down the drain...because they think your problem is not there at all.
are you one of those highly-skilled workers, who come to a lower skilled worker, and say,"your job is less difficult than mine, and yet you are receiving financial support and yet you barely get by..."?
?
this is very unfair.....to people...
stop comparing poly and jc for god's sake....
okay....jc is stressful and hectic....
but people in poly face their own problems....some of us struggle academically, some of us may have problems working in groups etc.
if you like to compare this way, i'm done talking to u.
u chose this path, so did i.
and though i hate poly life, i wouldn't choose jc life, which is too inflexible and rigid for me.
and what's more, i got to learn french, do stuff like designing games. if i were in a jc, i wouldn't have time to do it.
and even if the grass is greener on the other side, remember poly people paid for it by having to study for one more year and having a lower chance to go to NUS, NTU and SMU.
4. thanking a person for something, but not thanking him for something else.
i thank singapore for the safe environment....etc.
i thank singapore that the employment rate is high.
but singapore simply has no room for artistic talent or the gaming industry.
what stephanie koh said is right.
so...
its like....person A does your history homework, but not your geog homework. the geog homework may have been done by someone else, or you. person A is not OBLIGED TO do your geography or history homework. but you thank him for doing your history homework, but not your geog homework.
in the same way....if someone from singapore gets signed to an australian label, the singaporean can thank singapore for all the subsidies and stuff, and the peacefulness of the country, but not thank sg for the discovering of talent, which was done by the australian label.
so....
the person would be considered an australian artist, born in singapore, instead of a singaporean artist, since the person did not become famous in singapore. singapore did not hone his talents.
5. stop threatening me, these threats don't work.
when i'm in my darkest periods, do you think threatening me to go to a mental hospital would work?
even when i stop trying to commit suicide in front of you, the intention is still there, and my negative thinking is still there....
you are afraid of the expensive fees, and for me, i just want to get away from all the bullshit.
u make it worse by comparing my situation to others.
anyway, it seems like i can't get off my prescription....i have to continue....for idk how long....
but i'm glad my darkest periods are over, and all i can do is hope for the best.