this is pointless

this is just plain pointless. a few years back, i would have been on the main track, actually liking what i do.....i liked literature, geog, etc. in sec 1, and i felt i was confident enough to do well and go to a jc, and subsequently, do well in a jc. cause' i was that kind of person, and i just wanted to advance from sec 1 to 2, then triple science. i liked having a cca, and things were good.
slowly, things started feeling pointless for me. i just felt.....like shit.
i wondered about what was i going to do after the o levels....
and i feel that jc wasn't right for me, and what am i doing in a poly?
ii don't like 9-5 jobs......and i have deviated from the norm, in terms of ambitions.......
and i feel, even if i get into a uni from poly, so what?
even if its my fave course, from digipen?
even if its my fave course from sim?
i feel like i'm dying to go overseas.
dying to seek attention.
fame crazy.